I just bought a cured ham - I wonder what it
- Did you take a shower? There seems to be one
- Im writing a book. So far I have the
page numbers done.
- Eskimo downhill skier - Obstacle
- The cost of feathers has increased - now even
down is up!
- Bagpipe: A flute built to government
- I used to Tap-Dance, but I kept falling into
- Your E-Mail has been returned due to
- Even crime wouldnt pay if the
government ran it!
- Dont bother me, Im having a
- And then Adam said, Whats a
- RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory
- I got rid of the kids. The cat is
- I like to reminisce with people I dont
- Breast size times IQ is a constant!
- Aunty Em: Hate you; Hate Kansas; took the dog
- A day without sunshine... is like night!
- Only God has enough RAM - the rest of us make
- I am NOT a complete idiot.... several parts
- Feet smell? Nose runs? Hey! Youre
- RITZ CRACKER FOUND IN DRIVE A: DELETE
- You cant have everything - where would
you put it?
- CANADA: C eh? N eh? D eh?
- There are three kinds of people; those who
can count and those who cant.
- HIT ANY KEY TO CONTINUE ... ANY OTHER KEY TO
- Boycott Shampoo! Demand the real thing!
- A confident manner is important - computers
can sense this.
- Lead me not into temptation. I can find it
- BACKUP NOT FOUND: (A)bort (R)etry
- Got a new car for my wife. What a great
- Dont sweat the petty things; just pet
the sweaty things.
- Read enclosed instructions carefully before
- I thought about being re-born but my Mother
- WENCH: What you use to turn the head of
- A self-addressed envelope would be
- Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe
- COFFEE.EXE missing. Insert cup and press any
- Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot
- 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of
- Computers make very fast, very accurate
- Computers are not intelligent. They only
think they are.
- My software never has bugs. It just develops
- C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
- C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
- Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" =
- The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs
out, put new ones in.
- BREAKFAST.COM Halted. Cereal port not
- The name is Baud... James Baud.
- BUFFERS=20, FILES=15, 2nd down, 4th quarter,
5 yards to go!
- Access denied -- nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah
- Bad command or file name. Go stand in the
- Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit, command,
sit! Stay! Staaay...
- Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command
- As a computer, I find your faith in
- Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
- Backups? We don' *NEED* no skeenking
- File not found. Should I fake it (Y/N)?
- Ethernet: (n) something used to catch the
- A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral
- An error? Impossible! My modem is error
- PARLIAMENT.SYS corrupted. Reboot Ottawa
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- 11th commandment: Covet not thy neighbour's
- Disinformation is not as good as
- Windows: just another pane in the glass.
- SENILE.COM found. Out of memory.
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading
- Ultimate office automation: networked
- RAM disk is *not* an installation
- Shell to DOS... Come in DOS... Do you copy?
Shell to DOS...
- All computers wait at the same speed.
- Definition of a computer: a device designed
to speed up and automate errors.
- Press to continue...
- Smash forehead on keyboard to
- Enter any 11-digit prime number to
- ASCII stupid question, get a stupid
- To err is human, it takes a computer to
- E-mail returned to sender: insufficient
- Help! I'm modeming and I can't hang up!
- All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops
- Error: keyboard not attached. Press F1 to
- "640K ought to be enough for anybody" - Bill
- DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to
- Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your
- Press any key... ...no, no, no, NOT THAT
- Press any key to continue or any other key to
- Excuse me for butting in, but I'm
- REALITY.SYS corrupted. Reboot universe
- Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works
- Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one
- Read my chips! No new upgrades!
- Hit any user to continue...
- 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and
- I hit the key, but I'm still not in
- Will the information superhighway have any
- Disk Full. Press F1 to belch...
- Backup not found. (A)bort, (R)etry,
- (A)bort, (R)etry, (D)own the entire
- (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a drink?
- If debugging is the process of removing bugs,
then programming must be the process of putting
- Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB
- Programmer: (n) a red-eyed, mumbling mammal
capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
- Real programmers don't document. If it was
hard to write, it should be hard to
- Beware of programmers who carry
- Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!
- Practice good mirth control, use a
- If you wake up Sleepy & Grumpy, you must
be Snow White.
- (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)mack the friggin
- For a reply, send a self-abused stomped
- New Mail not found. Start whine-pout
- Send a self-abused stomped elephant to
- Did you expect mere proof to sway my
- I don't have the solution, but I admire the
- The trouble with political jokes is they get
- Quit worrying about your health, it'll go
- ... NOT homeless, NOT hungry, but I WILL work
- ... I still have a full deck; I just shuffle
- Make someone happy today: Mind your own
- What was the best thing BEFORE sliced
- User Error - Replace user and hit any key to
- ... It's a small world, but I wouldn't want
to mow it!
- Childish Game: one at which your spouse beats
- Eye of newt, toe of frog, and a side of
- Schizophrenia beats being alone!
- ...I wanted to be a comedian but everyone
just laughed at me!
- ... < Money is the root of all evil. For
more information send your VISA no. to..>
- Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering
- People who live in stone houses shouldn't
- People say I'm indecisive. Am I? I don't
- * Riker to Enterprise. Beam down Troi and a
six-pack. * ---
- For people who like peace and quiet: a
- ... If it weren't for deja vu I couldn't
remember who I am.
- ... Women do come with instructions, ask
- ... If you don't think women are explosive,
- ... Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda
- Minds & parachutes only function properly
- Ignorance is temporary; stupid is
- ... The best way to make fire with two
sticks; ensure that one is a match.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending
- I love cats ... they taste just like
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
- As long as there are tests, there will be
prayer in public schools
- Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
- Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let
- I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather
... ... Not screaming and yelling like the
passengers in his car ...
- Tow-ers will be violated
- Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
- Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this
- The gene pool could use a little
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food
chain to be a vegetarian.
- Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus.
- Your kid may be an honor student but you're
still an IDIOT!
- It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to
- When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in
case heaven is like the IRS.
- Smile, it's the second best thing you can do
with your lips.
- Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
- Wink, I'll do the rest!
- I took an IQ test and the results were
- When there's a will, I want to be in it!
- Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality
- If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are
they made of meat?
- Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it
kills all its students!
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat
- Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using
Your Turn Signal !
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than
- Give me ambiguity or give me something
- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then
things get worse.
- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a
- He who laughs last thinks slowest
- Always remember you're unique, just like
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at
- Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my
- Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone,
somewhere may be happy.
- Consciousness: that annoying time between
- i souport publik edekasion
- The sex was so good that even the neighbors
had a cigarette.
- We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You
Will Be Assimilated.
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your
- Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start
- Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice
doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
- 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of
- I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you
working with subatomic particles.
- Sex on television can't hurt you unless you